Apr 26, 2018
On this special occasion of celebrating 200 episodes, we talk about the greatest, most alluring topic known to humankind: SEX. Specifically after leaving a faith this is negatively obsessed with it. We're featuring 4 different interviews, each about 40 minutes long: Two conducted by only Cass Midgley, one with Cass and Bob, and one with guest co-hosts Dave Warnock and Bryan Maynard. All guests are anonymous so they could be as honest as possible.
As a heads up, these talks today
are all about cisgender hetero sex. I had a trans man and a gay man
scheduled to come on but they both ended up not being able to do
the taping. And all four guests are women. One could argue that
male sexuality is less damaged by Christianity. And sex is an
entirely different experience for men as it is women. Listen to
this paragraph by (Ah-nay-ees Neen) Anaïs Nin, a 20th century
American diarist, essayist, novelist, and writer of short stories
and erotica. Notice how she contrasts the man's sexual experience
with the woman's. “Man can never know the loneliness a woman knows.
Man lies in the woman's womb only to gather strength, he nourishes
himself from this fusion, and then he rises and goes into the
world, into his work, into battle, into art. He is not lonely. He
is busy. The memory of the swim in amniotic fluid gives him energy,
completion. Woman may be busy too, but she feels empty. Sensuality
for her is not only a wave of pleasure in which she is bathed, and
a charge of electric joy at contact with another. When man lies in
her womb, she is fulfilled, each act of love a taking of man within
her, an act of birth and rebirth, of child rearing and man bearing.
Man lies in her womb and is reborn each time anew with a desire to
act, to be. But for woman, the climax is not in the birth, but in
the moment man rests inside of her.”
First up is Sierra. Her first marriage was riddled with sexual problems that she largely attributed to their inability to restrain themselves from having sex before marriage. Thinking, "if we'd just obeyed God, our sex life wouldn't be so messed up." Ironically, their sex life was ill-affected by their premarital sexual tension. As happens so often with Christian marriages, lovers have trouble shaking all the guilt, shame, and ugliness that shrouds sexuality in that context. Sierra's first husband passed away and she began a journey of self-discovery and sexual awareness that is a work in progress, of course. But it's a work that she's proud of, and well she should, because it's hard work and requires tremendous courage and honesty. Listen as her story goes from sexual shame to sexual pride.
Sierra touched on learning to listen to her own body. This is a theme throughout all these talks. Bad Christian doctrine puts a wedge between us and our bodies as something to distrust on one hand and something that belongs to God on the other--his temple, in fact. We were to present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God. Some of us our reclaiming our bodies as the beautiful, intuitive, sexy treasures they are. Up next, Bob and I talk with Elisa. As a part of getting in touch with her body and suppressed sexuality, Elisa took up pole dancing or pole fitness. She has posted many videos on her Facebook of her pole dancing and it's very sensuous. Think about the types of reactions that could stir in people: the exhibitionistic, she must need attention, that's inappropriate, I hope my husband doesn't see this, etc. But once you get to know Elisa and hear her motivation behind doing it, all judgement will dissipate in your love and understanding for this fellow human trying find herself and her way in the new, godless world in which she finds herself. About 20 minutes into this talk, she gets very real. She's candid the whole time, but she accesses some deep emotions that I believe a lot of women feel.
Up next is Ruby Leigh and she's getting in touch with her own body and what it takes for her to achieve orgasm, which she didn't reach until her late 20s. Also, she's in the middle of her second divorce so we talk about relationship dynamics. She was deeply involved in Campus Crusade and the culture there to either marry or be single; anything in between was slutty.
Our last guest is Lacey. With Lacey's permission, I invited my friends, Dave Warnock and Bryan Maynard to co-host. We're all three ex-pastors and Bryan is a licensed therapist. Like many of us in the Christian faith, Lacey and we three men got married partially because Paul taught it was better to marry than burn in lust. A HORRIBLE reason to get married! That's really bad advice. More bad advice from Paul comes from 1 Corinthians chapter 7. He writes, "The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband." This is a verse that has caused immeasurable damage in the world. It caused tremendous damage in Lacey's life.
So that's our 200th episode. I'm glad you made it this far with us. I hope we expanded the talkaboutable by talking candidly about human sexuality. Yet another area of our lives that we benefit from saying yes to it. I want to recommend two podcasts that are focused on sex every episode: Dan Savage's "Savage Lovecast," and Dr. Darrell Ray's "Secular Sexuality." Thanks again for listening. We'll talk next week.
We interview people you don’t know, about a subject no one wants to talk about. We hope to encourage people in the process of deconstructing their faith and help curb the loneliness that accompanies it. We think the world is a better place when more people live by sight, not by faith. Please subscribe to our podcast, and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts.
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"Towering Mountain of Ignorance" intro by Hank Green https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3v3S82TuxU
Intro bumper "Never Know" by Jack Johnson
The bumper music on this episode is the karaoke version of "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye
Thanks for listening and be a Yes-sayer to your own